August 1, 2012

• August, please be good

  

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  Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you’re good person and a good friend. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not – won’t. Love is worth fighting for sometimes you cant be the one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.

  

  I’ve been giving up on people too easily. If they don’t call, if they don’t try – then I don’t. It’s not fair to lay the blame on them when I’m not calling either. I’m just as much at fault. I’ve got a lot of resentment for old friends – for letting me go without a fight. I just want someone to call and say, ‘I miss you, how are you?’ I just want to call someone and say, ‘I miss you, I’m sorry.’ I want to be brave enough to stay in one place.

  

  This is how it goes. I will respect those who respect me, and forget those who forget me. Simple as that.

  

  I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn’t given up on each other.

  

  Life without goals is like a race with no finish line.

  

  I think the biggest thing to know is things aren’t as bad as they seem. Your boyfriend seems like the last one you’ll ever have and the love of your life, your friends and their drama seems so important – but it’s not.

  

  I know; we’re complete strangers now. We both pretend like we don’t care, but I can feel the tension as much as you can. I know how to hide my feelings from your piercing stare and no matter what you think, I still miss you.

  

  Forgive them, even if they are not sorry.

  

  I don’t need some elaborate apology. I don’t need you to play our song in front of all our friends, or just me. I don’t need you to wait outside my class with a dozen roses. I just need you to tell me simply that you’re fucking sorry, and that you need me as much as I need you.

  

  The past is annoying; it always shows up. In everybody’s words, in every song you hear, in every block you walk, and you never get rid of it, no matter how hard you try.

  

  It’s funny how we always find ourselves running back to the ones we swore we’d leave behind. There is always this kind of magic thing. Keeps us turning around.

  

  The sooner you know who you are and what you want, the less you’ll let things upset you.

  

  You have to admit that love doesn’t give you the license to own a person forever. Only a chance to enjoy someone’s company for a moment.

  

  Everyone is in such a hurry. People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running around all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running. Once you start running, it’s hard to slow yourself down.

  

  I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others; they are more screwed up than you think. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.

  

  When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.

  

  Do you know what happens when you continuously ignore people? You’re teaching them a happy life without you. The sun is going to shine and the rain is going to fall. In the end you might get burnt or wet, but that’s life. So dance in the puddles and bathe in the sun; at the end of the day, smile. Everything is going to be alright.

  

  People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

  

  I‘ve been making a list of things they don’t teach you in school. They don’t teach you how to love someone. They don’t teach you how to be rich or poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you hwo to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who is dying. Honestly, they don’t teach you anything important.

  

  We can’t waste too much time missing something or someone from the past. We accept that life’s never constant; things change and people grow apart. Yet we can’t stop thinking about how good it used to be; afraid that we’d never experience it again, afraid that we’ve already lived it and lost it.

  

  I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college adult person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, and more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that even when my life will finally begin.

  

  Sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that really matter.

  

  Don’t re-think things. Because usually, your first thought is what you really want to do, so just follow it through.

  

  Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same again. You’re opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper good-bye to the old one. You don’t want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, because you’ll never get them back again.

  

  Pay no attention to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead.

  

  You act like we never had anything. Which is insane, because we had everything. I don’t know how you can ignore the world because that’s what we had, the world.

  

  If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

  

  We can’t go back to how things used to be. Nothing is ever going to be the same. It’s not my fault, so don’t blame me. You’re the one who decided to leave.

  

  • 5:25 pm
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