September 3, 2012

• Another update :)

  

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  After a year, you’d think I’d have something great to say to you. But it turns out, avoiding a topic doesn’t make it go away. So I’ll just tell you something I believe. We do things for a lot of reasons, most of them we may never know. But even if we’ve made mistakes, I believe we still have power to change where we go from there. And even though we’ve made mistakes, I believe those are just things you’ve done, not who you are. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you hurt me very badly. But if you want forgiveness, you are forgiven. Who am I to judge the type of person you are? But let me tell you, the consequences for your actions will affect me and you for the rest of our lives. Trusting people these days isn’t easy, and this punishment you face won’t be easy either. It’s going to be really hard but you have to decide whether you want to accept responsibility and deal with the punishment or continue living like you don’t care about anyone else. You are not the things you’ve done, but you only get so many chances in life. Don’t wait to change until after you’re out of changes. There’s so much good you can accomplish in this world and I don’t ever expect to hear of you doing this to another girl ever again. It’s so much easier to tell others what to do with their problems than to stand with them in their pain. So let me make it clear that I think you hurt. I hurt everyday, for me and you. I don’t think this is where you want to be in your life right now. But if you choose to, I believe you can overcome this. I believe you will overcome this.

  

  I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people that’s important, it’s what they do about it. I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I’ve learned that either you control your emotions or they control you. I’ve learned that sometimes I just need to be held. I’ve learned that I may actually need you.

  

  I’m never letting this one go, because certain people enter our lives at the most peculiar times; for the most beautiful reasons. They seem to make such perfect impressions while leaving behind an everlasting impact. Some of the best things in life appear when you least expect them. Things you can never forget.

  

  I’ve learned more about life in the last few years than people do in their lifetime. I know sometimes the rain will pour and your day will be ruined but you pick up yourself and move on with you life. Not everyday will be like a fairy tale so when those days do come along you’ll appreciate them more. Not everyone will be nice to you but some will be your best friends. in the end you will thank them both. Everything happens for a reason and people always make mistakes. Some mistakes you make turn out to be the best choice you’ve ever made. In the end it’s not about how many hot guy’s you’ve kissed or how many friends you have. It’s about being happy with the way you are, accepting that the world isn’t always going to go you’re way and living you’re life with no regrets.

  

  Chances are always missed. First chances, second chances, last chances. They fly right past us; like fireflies, shooting stars and like a pretty butterfly. Even though you try to catch the chances, like you try to catch the fireflies, or whether you savor the precious moments, like when you see that shooting star, or even when you think about how that beautiful butterfly was once a vulnerable little caterpillar, it doesn’t make any of the chances seem any easier to catch, any easier to savor, or any closer. In fact, it makes them seem farther away. Harder to catch; harder to savor. And harder to remember once they have passed. But that’s the thing about chances. They don’t want to be, caught, savored, or remembered, they just want to be chances. Things that happen in an instant. Like the firefly passing by, the shooting star soaring through the night sky, and the butterfly casually gliding by. And those few individuals, who are lucky enough to catch a firefly, savor a shooting star or relate to the butterfly, are the few individuals who deserve a chance.

  

  When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, caring for you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

  

  They say your burdens are easier to bear as time goes on. But I could not disagree more. Because burdens, no matter how big, or how minuscule, no matter how long time draws out for these burdens, they will always be there. Even if you don’t think about them for hours, days, even weeks at a time, they will always be there. Lingering. They will never be easier to bear unless they simply do not exist anymore. This cannot happen until one learns to let go – something I simply cannot seem to do.

  

  There is really nothing you must be and there is nothing you must do. There is nothing you must have and there is nothing you must become. However, it helps to understand that fire burns and when it rains, the earth gets wet.

  

  One day you make a wrong turn, or take a detour, and you end up in some crazy place you can’t even find on the map, doing something you never thought you would do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it’s happening, but later you realize that it was the best part of the trip.

  

  Keep your mouth shut when I’m drunk. I hate the person I become when you’re not around. I like me better when we talk it all over. If there was ever a time I needed you, it’s right now. I believe in a long-winded mind. Most nights I putter out like an over-worked, under oiled engine, staring at a quivering candle, consciousness fading, as I slowly float to sleep. My distorted reality paints a wonderfully deranged pattern. Doubt does strange things to people like us. We hold each other tighter now that the news is in. You’re learning to live alone in a home full of holes with two good reasons to find hope. One of these days I’ll unwind this watch, and live for you and you alone.

  

  Keep drinking too much, keep cutting your hair; change every little thing about you that’s making me stay. Keep harassing my friend, keep fucking the skank next door; repeat every mistake I’m too willing to forgive. Don’t hit me with lines and ask me what’s wrong, cause what’s wrong with me babe, is what’s right in you.

  

  I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I just know I want to do it. I want to see my world. I want to meet every single person breathing on this earth. I want to give everyone a hug or a handshake, and I want to make someone’s life a little easier. I want to be different than the people I know because that’s what makes us beautiful. I want to be absolutely ridiculous before I die. I don’t want regrets. I want to stand for something.

  

  What do you want me to say? Yes, you’re right. We’re just one big walking disaster and yeah, my life would probably be a whole lot easier if I just walked out that door right now – I know that. But the thing is, I already know that nothing on the other side of that door could ever come close to making me as happy as I am when I’m with you. That’s why I’m here, because I love you. No matter how things get, no matter what shit life throws at us, there’s no where else I’d rather be. I want to spend the rest of my life right here. With you.

  

  Stop and make sure that everything you are doing right now is really what makes you happy. You can’t just live for some goal in the future and have that be everything… have that be it. Because that is what some people do. They get on this road and there are all these signs saying, ‘This way. That way.’ But what if you get there, you get exactly what you wanted, like some people do, except all the things that were wrong, are still wrong. Then what?

  

  • 3:39 pm
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