September 3, 2012
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Sweet you rock, and sweet you roll
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Sometimes it just takes patience for everything to happen. You won’t get respect in just one day, you can’t be in love with someone that you just met and you won’t be able to forgive yourself in a second. I’ve learned that helping people is good, but helping someone too much won’t let them grow. You grow by making mistakes, getting hurt, and learning from your regrets. Thoughts are there to help guide you to your decision. It’s you that have to take that first step into the pathway of happiness. It’s your doing that makes you who you are. Don’t assume; get your fact straight. That is what messes a lot of people up. There’s always the true story and reasoning behind everything. We are all different, but have one thing in common; we all want happiness. It is like we’re all trying to fight for it, trying to get what we want and it make us forget the whole reason why we wanted it in the first place. Nobody said life is going to be easy; life is what you make of it. Change for the better; don’t change for someone else. Change for yourself. Don’t be selfish. Don’t limit yourself from doing things just because you don’t think you can make it through. Remember — time isn’t going to wait for you, so make the best of it.
Sometimes all you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly. Just the way they should.
I wish that I could make you feel beautiful all of the time. I wish that you would always feel the way I do when you have your arm around me, your head on my shoulder, or your eyes locked with mine. I wish that the thrill I get when you kiss me would constantly surge through you and that your heart would never quit racing the way mine does when I think about how lucky I am to be yours.
I feel like I’ve tried for so long to be happy, and the more I try, the more that goal slips from my reach. It’s almost like quicksand where the more you struggle, the more submerged you become. I’ve given up on everything. Nothing matters to me anymore. Especially myself. The part of my life that matters least to me is myself. Because I’m no-one and I always have been.
I was stuck. I was in this place, in between my future and my past, and I wasn’t sure which one I wanted more. But I guess it was only natural, you know? To dream of a summer love from long ago, or nights you spent with friends you used to know. These people had long since gone, and part of you wanted them back, and God you hated to admit it. That was the funny part. Like admitting you missed people or things or times long ago made you weak or something, but it didn’t. And sometimes I would curl up by my window and stare off into the stars, dreaming of my future, the love and friends I had yet to come. Part of me just wanted to throw myself into the future and the other part wanted me to hurl myself into my past.
I won’t be your consolation prize. I love you, and you’re either going to love me back or leave me alone.
Don’t tell me that you’re not scared because I know that you are. I mean, I’ve known you too long and seen you push away too many good things to let you push me away right now. My whole life, you have been the most beautiful thing in my orbit, and my feelings for you were what proved to me that I could be great, and those feelings were stronger and were wiser and more persistent and more resilient than anything else about me.
There’s so much I wish for these days, but most of all, I wish you were here. It’s strange, but before I met you, I couldn’t remember the last time that I cried. Now, it seems that tears come easily to me… but you have a way of making my sorrows seem worthwhile, of explaining things in a way that lessens my ache. You are a treasure, a gift, and when we’re together again, I intend to hold you until my arms are weak and I can do it no longer. My thoughts of you are sometimes the only things that keep me going.
Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who wont run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its okay that things don’t always go right. That this is how life works. and how it will always work. That it’s not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day. But it will somehow get better.
I want to have you. I want to have 100% of you. I don’t want 95 or 75 or even 50% of you. I have to have it all. I don’t want to share you. I don’t want to even think about ever sharing you. If we’re going to keep dating then I need to have you all. You can’t just give me a little bit and think I’ll be satisfied forever. I know that sounds selfish but that’s the way it has to be, and if you can’t handle that then maybe we should end this right here, right now.
Why is it so hard to accept things as they are? Why do we struggle and fight against the inevitable? Is it the knowledge that things could be better? Or is it the hope? The hope that if things were different, we would be different. Better. Stronger. Complete.
Sometimes destiny brings a stranger in our life when we need it the most. That stranger makes us feel special and helps us when we are in trouble, it soothes our souls. He brings laughter and love back in someones life. When his job is done he moves on to the next person in need. Was i your stranger? If so, did I help? I’d rather live life as the stranger that influenced you than to live as the loser you let go of.
Comments (2)
Lovely! (: <3
Gorgeous update, love! <3