January 6, 2013
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You got what you deserved
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It gets a little bit easier each day, I still cringe every time I hear your voice from across the room. I still check my phone to see if you’ve called. I still watch you as you walk by. I still want you but I’m healing. I’m growing. I’m learning not all guys are like you not everyone is heartless it still stings a little every time I see you with her. I remember when that was me you’d smile at but as time passes I’m building up my tolerance. Someday, hopefully soon, I’ll feel absolutely nothing the pain won’t go away, I want you to know that it will always be there. it’ll just be numb.
All because of you I believe in angels. Not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos. The kind that bring you home when home becomes a strange place.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing. Being lonely, being alone, for many people, sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are is worse. Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which they never show to anybody.
You spend all your time preaching about waiting for love. Well here it is, right in front of you, and you’re going to turn your back on it. So i guess we’re just fucked. I’ll move on. But you are going to have to live the rest of your life knowing that you’ve turned your back on love, and that makes you a hypocrite. Have a nice life.
The bad thing about falling to pieces is that it hurts. The good thing about it is that once you’re lying there in shards, you’ve got nothing left to protect, & so you have no reason not to be honest.
I felt like I had to get out of there because I might really care about you, and it scared me so much because that meant you could hurt me, and maybe I didn’t feel ready to like someone that much.
The reason I am still so attached to you is because I never felt that way about anyone. Cliché, right? Well, I’m serious. To this day, I would take you back. I would take back all the lack of communication and all the bullshit you pull.I would deal with your stubborn mind and closed heart.Tell me why, out of all the Prince Charming’s,why did I chose the most uncharming of them all?
I believe in love. And jamming out in the car by yourself. I believe in someone telling you you’re beautiful and dancing in the rain and in miracles. I believe in smiling until your cheeks hurt and laughing until you pee. Last, I beleive in second chances no matter how bad people screw up.
People complain that life’s unfair. I know it’s true, but I’m actually trying to grasp the concept that life really isn’t fair. Honestly, it’s too fair. We should be grateful we’re not dealt the life we truly deserve. We don’t even know fair. We’ve never even experienced it. People just always want things better than what they have at the moment and they will keep saying it’s not fair until they get it. But if you’re always wanting more, then your “fair” will never come.
Tragedies happen. what’re you gonna do, give up? quit? no. i realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. cause you are, and that pain you feel: it’s life. the confusion and fear.. that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. and that something is worth fighting for.
I don’t understand why you’re so afraid of your own feelings. What have I been trying to teach you? You can’t live in fear. Life is about taking risks. Not being afraid to go after what you want.
I know I’m not easy to understand. I keep a lot inside and I’m also not the easiest person to read. That’s okay because even though there is a lot about me you will never know, there’s surely a hell of a lot about me that you can learn to love.
