February 10, 2013

• Call me, maybe

  

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  And she just doesn’t get it. You don’t treat people that way. Friends aren’t toys that you can pick up and drop when the newest one comes out. And I just didn’t get it. How could people stand to be with her, like being with her, aspire to be her best friend … and why did I?

  

  I’m scared because I don’t want anyone else to have your heart. I don’t want anyone else to kiss your lips, I don’t want anyone else to be in your arms. I don’t want anyone but me to be the one you love. I’m scared because I don’t want anyone to take my place.

  

  Only I stand apart. And secretly, I wonder if it shall always be this way-me alone, belonging to no one, always standing just outside the party. I try to push the thought away, but it has already spoken truth to my soul.

  

  So lately, I’ve been talking louder and laughing louder, just to get his attention, so that maybe, just maybe, he’ll look my way.

  

  When I was with him, I didn’t have to be perfect, or even try for perfect. He already knew my secrets, the things I’d kept hidden from everyone else, so I could just be myself. Which shouldn’t have been such a big deal. But it was.

  

  The most important thing is life is to be happy, and nothing else matters.

  

  I never knew life could be like that. So great, and so terrible at the same time. Triumph came, but so did the tears and it left me thinking that possibly you can’t have both at the same time; and maybe that’s okay because it’s life, and that’s how it goes.

  

  Memories can either propel you forward or they can hold you back. It’s your choice.

  

  You don’t miss me at all, you made it so obvious when you slowly walked away, and then I prayed in vain. I would’ve traded everything, even for just a taste. I’ll live with the loneliness, but I’ll never forget. I was never your best bet.

  

  We accept the love we think we deserve.

  

  Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is. Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret; It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it, If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the ’70s, most of them were out living lives. Some I’ve seen, some never again, but there isn’t a day my heart doesn’t find them.

  

  I just wanted you to know, that you were happy once, with me.

  

  Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person ; wait for the person who will be your best friend , the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all, wait for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong.

  

   

  At some point, you’ve got to man up and jump. You’ve got to quit being scared of the ‘maybes’ and ‘what – ifs’ and just freaking jump. Quit cheating yourself out of the best thing that could ever happen to you, quit cheating him out of what he’s wanted for so long and just fall. fall hard, fall long, and fall forever.

  

  To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes strength. To smile when the only think you can do is cry takes bravery. To act happy and laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes courage. To be joyous when the only good news is the best of the bad news takes support. To be there and help others through the roughest times in life takes love.

  

  There’s a big fucking world out there.  It’s messy and it’s chaotic and it’s never what you expect.  It’s okay to be scared but you can’t let your fears turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

  

  A wise girl knows her limits, a great girl knows she has none.

  

  Change can be so constant you don’t even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don’t even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant.

  

  My heart is always a door waiting for you to enter.

  

  I’ve seen enough now to know that beautiful things don’t always stay that way.

  

  Somebody like you can really make things alright for me.

  

  You can’t argue the facts. You could only change the lens through which you look at them.

  

  Life changes. You get it all lined up just the way you like it & then something beyond your control comes along & bumps you off center. How nice it would be if you could get everything just the way you want it & say, ‘Okay, now, stay.’ But nothing stays the same. You grow up, make friends, lose friends, go to college, lose track of people, meet new ones, & sometimes you ask yourself why. But all I can tell you is the every single experience you go through like this changed you in some way. Every new person who comes into your life changes you. Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against changes you. It`s your job you decide how. That`s how character is developed.

  

  It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness.

  

  So live for the moment, and take this advice, live by every word; Love’s completely real, so forget anything that you’ve heard, and live for the moment now.

  

  This is life. People will screw you over. You’ll fight with your family. You’ll witness things that will change you forever. You’ll blame new lovers for things old lovers did. You’ll lose best friends you thought would always be there. You’ll come to realize that everyone has a past. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, and you’ll embarrass yourself. But then, you’ll find your very own moment where none of that matters; where you can sit back and realize that shit happens to the people who can handle it & that this is who you are, and no one should want to change you, including yourself. The more I look around and listen, I realize that I’m not alone. We are all facing choices that define us. No choice, however messy, is without importance in the overall picture of our lives. We all at our own age have to claim something, even if it’s only our own confusion. I am in the middle of growing up and into myself.

  

  Eventually, everything will come together. Until then; live it up. Do what makes you happy. If someone doesn’t agree, fuck them. Pick yourself up and deal when shit happens. Remember that our mistakes only make us stronger, everything happens for a reason, the only regrets in life are the risks you never take and well-behaved women rarely make history. Above all else, go with your gut, but guard your heart.

  

  Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full. i was going to say it’s empty, but that’s not completely true. my life isn’t void and i have my happy moments, but they usually just seem to disappear,or get worse. so, my glass is cracked, yes — cracked. it gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp. it always ends up emptying out. it will never be full because it’s always leaking. and one day, it will be thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.

  

  • 7:02 pm
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