February 22, 2013

• Don’t you worry child

  

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  I don’t like being this weak, feeling this vulnerable, crying tears that don’t need to be shed, letting you have complete and utter control over me. But I just can’t help it.

  

  People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get up in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.

  

  Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories, admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for the things we’ll never know.

  

  I don’t know what to say anymore. My mind runs blank every time I open up the page where I used to spill my heart. I used to have so much to say, now I can barely write a sentence. It’s you. You have the affect on me. You walked into my life, and I can’t find a place for you just yet. I’m lost for words, yet my heart is screaming with the things I want to say to you.

  

  Don’t you dare run, I’ve been doing that for years.

  

  You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You’re chicken. You got no guts. You’re afraid to say, ‘O.K., life’s a fact.’ People do fall in love. People do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing. You’re terrified somebody’s going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded by Tulip, Texas or Somaliland. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

  

  It’s okay that you’re with her. I want you to know that it’s okay. I’m happy for both of you and maybe that doesn’t mean anything to you, but it means a lot to me. It means that for the first time, I’m not selfish. I have put someone else’s happiness, your happiness, above my own.

  

  Be a good listener, your ears will never get you in trouble.

  

  I was never the same again. From that moment on, life began with you.

  

  You’ll never understand why she had to walk away.

  

  I know it may sound cheesy and I know it may sound cliché, but you’re the first person that has taught me to miss someone. You’ve taught me to miss a person from the heart, not the mind.

  

  Often, I think about the people who’ve walked away or drifted apart and it makes me really sad. So most times, I force myself to not think of it, and convince myself that there’s a reason why they’re not in my life now.

  

  Sure, she’s pretty, but it’s about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what’s going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

  

  When they knock you down, you not only have to get back up, but you have to make it clear that you won`t be knocked down a second time.

  

  You know what’s the most terrifying thing about admitting that you’re in love? You’re just naked. You put yourself in harm’s way and lay down all your defenses. No clothes, not weeps, nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust them not to hurt you.

  

  I’m not stable enough emotionally to even hug you without meaning it with every ounce of me. 

  

  I don’t know what to say to you right now, you are the first person to ever leave me speechless and not in a good way. I could take the high road and yell and scream till my lungs burst but I can’t honestly think of how that would help. This year has been full of change for me, the new me is going to handle this the mature way, I’m not going to say anything, if I happen to run into you I’ll gracefully smile and say hi, but don’t think for a second that deep deep down you’re not tearing me apart.

  

  I’m told that fate makes fun of us, that it gives us nothing and promises everything. When happiness seems to be within our reach, we reach out and find ourselves fools.

  

  The same bitches that gossip to you, will gossip about you.

  

  That’s life, you know. Someone breaks your heart. You move on. You live your life. That’s what you do.

  

  Funny how time changes, but feelings don’t.

  

  It’s sad to see him hurting you. But the saddest part of all, you allow him to.

  

  It’s time to love who you are, and look forward to who you’re going to be.

  

  You start believing the lies when the truth is too much to handle. 

  

  Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Sometimes silence expresses more than words. Picking up the phone, dialing a number, it can do more damage than good. But humans are afflicted with this obsessive desire to talk things to death. So we make things worse by trying to make things better.

  

  • 6:15 pm
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