March 5, 2013

• Lost and Found

  

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  What’s worse, is that I saw this coming a mile away, and ignored it. Knowing that I could have prevented this, makes it even harder.

  

  I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of seeing happiness walk right by. I’m tired of crying over something that I know isn’t worth crying over. You will never be worth my tears. Why can’t I convince myself that that’s true?

  

  You can always tell how much you care about someone by their ability to hurt you.

  

  We spend our whole lives telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason. When in reality, it’s just that we give reasons for everything that’s happened.

  

  Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.

  

  Take a look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see looking back. Is it the person you want to be, or is there someone else you were meant to be; the person you should have of been, but fell short. Is someone telling you, you cant or wont because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do. Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friend and family or from the quite nobility of leading a good life. And believe that dreams come true everyday because they do. So take a look in that mirror remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be.

  

  Want to know something? The time I was with you was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. That’s part of the reason it’s so hard to get over you and move on, because you were such a significant part of my life and the thought of losing you killed me. Now I feel like I’m never going to be happy again, at least not as happy as I was with you. To tell you the truth, I’d give anything to get back that time, even go through the hurt again.

  

  People like me don’t have best friends. You can’t trust me, and I won’t let you. I won’t get close to you because I’m afraid of losing you. I’ll protect you from me and protect me from myself by avoiding confrontation, which will lead us to a falling out, inevitably. I will keep secrets from you and tell your secrets to people you hate in order to push you away. I’ll do anything to keep myself from getting attached to you because I’ve been there before and I don’t want to go back to being dependent on anyone.

  

  Part of me just wants to find the right words to hurt you the same way you hurt me.

  

  Give her time. She’ll be alright.

  

  If you don’t fight for something you want it’s not because you’re weak, or because somebody’s holding you back. It’s the simple fact that you don’t want it bad enough.

  

  Just tell me you feel the same. That we’re falling apart. Then tell me, go on and tell me that you don’t want to lose me. Because I don’t want to lose you. We’re so far from each other and all I want is to be within your reach again. I want what we don’t have anymore. I still want you.

  

  Sometimes life’s not fair, but if you hang in there you’re gonna see that sometimes bad is good. We just have to believe things work out like they should.

  

  Don’t say that it didn’t mean anything or it was not worth it. If you’ve thought about her everyday or if you memorized her laugh, then at one point, she must have meant something to you.

  

  Sometimes all it takes is another chance to get things right…the question is whether or not he cares enough to give you another chance.

  

  Along the way, I’ve learned that you can’t let anyone in too far and you can’t trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you’re broken, you’ll never be fully fixed.

  

  I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less. Is that growing old? Or is it something worse? You can not protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

  

  And even though my gut said, “don’t trust him.” even when my heart begged me not to let you break it again. And even still when my head told me that you couldn’t change, I ignored it. I let you back into my life, and I believed your promises and hoped that this was the time you had finally listened. You assured me that you wouldn’t go back to her, to treating me that, to acting like I’d never been there. Good God, I even prayed that you would finally see me like I saw you. But in the end I guess I was a dumbass for ignoring all the signs. So here’s to hoping that I’ll finally be able to cut you out of my life, because it’s not fair on me. I deserve so much better than you.

  

  I guess what hurts the most isn’t that I don’t have you. It’s that at one point, I did. It’s that I can go to sleep missing you, dream that I’m with you, then wake up and realize once more that I don’t have you. Maybe what hurts the most is not that I’m no longer enough, but at one point, I was.

  

  All that I know is that you don’t just give up on people like that. This was an all or nothing deal and you gave me nothing. But I gave you everything. All of me.

  

  When you’re in pain, don’t fight it. You’ll just get exhausted. Remember what Shakespeare said, ”Feel the pain. Until it hurts no more.”

  

  Don’t worry about what you heard about me. I might have done a little dirt and left a few of them hurt, but whatever has occurred, they all got what they deserved.

  

  All I need to know is if this is worth holding on to anymore.

  

  All I wanted was for things to be the way they used to be, so I kept going and going… As if somehow hoping to make time move in reverse.

   

  You know, after people leave, it doesn’t seem like they were ever there at all. Sometimes you just feel empty, but you don’t know why.

  

  Don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose. If given the choice then I beg you to choose to walk away.

  

  The problem with acting out on your insecurities and pushing people away is that you aren’t allowing them to have their own insecurities. If you push people away, they are going to think you don’t want them there. We are all human and we all need a little trust, just because.

  

  Her life was beginning to make sense again, although she couldn’t say she was enjoying it. But her mind was clear, and her heart was not constantly as heavy. Only when she thought about him. But she knew that in time, she’d survive it. Eventually, the heart repairs.

  

  You could be everything I want if you just gave up on holding back.

  

  • 3:16 pm
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