April 16, 2013

  • Single ladies

    Click here to follow me on Twitter for more quotes

    There’s the people you’ve known forever. Who know you in this way that other people can’t. Because they’ve seen you change. They’ve let you change.

    Sometimes I am happy for just one moment. In that one moment, I don’t think about my problems, I think of all the options I have. I think about all the years ahead of me, I think about all the awesome people I will meet, I think about all them adventures, about love, about all the places I have yet to discover. In that moment, I believe I will be happy one day, I know happiness is out there, I have hope.

    No one gets tired of loving. But everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry, and hurting.

    There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don’t feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything.

    Just when you least expect it, you start to think about how he made you laugh, how you feel when you’re around him and then you realize after all this time, you cared about him more then you thought you did.

    I’m so sick of the same shit happening. I meet a sweet and kind guy and i think the same thing every single time, that he’s different from the last one. That he won’t screw me over and fall for someone else. But no they are all the same except this time you were different…you were worse.

    Sometimes I wonder if maybe we’ll ever get back together, and then I realize that we’ll never really be over. In a way it hasn’t changed, but in some ways it has, it’s not that we’re not meant for each other, I just think maybe we aren’t ready for each other.

    I never really had the guts to tell someone straight up on how I felt about them. I end up doing something stupid that gives off hints to my certain someone and when they do find out by themselves, they push me away and they keep their distance. Which is probably why I don’t tell them how I feel, maybe because I’m scared of what they might say in return or what they might end up doing.

    You have no idea how much I want to send you a simple text message. To see how you’ve been and what’s new in your life. Late at night I find myself thinking about all the times you and I had. But I’m too afraid. Mostly because you’ve moved on with your life while I’m still sitting here wishing you were still by my side.

    When your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Because you are, and that pain you feel..that’s life. The confusion and fear, that’s there to remind that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

    You say your love is all you need, but I don’t need a lot. You say you’re sorry, but I know that you’re not.

    And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.

    Sometimes, I just want to run away. Not because things are bad, or because there’s something to run from, just because there’s nothing in particular keeping me here.

    I miss that feeling when you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning. Its the feeling that everything is all right in the world. You know that amazing feeling that you’re a whole, that you’ve got everything you want, that you aren’t missing anything. Sometimes when I wake up I get it for just a moment… It lasts for a few seconds but then I remember what happened, how nothing has been the same since.

    When you look around and the world is crumbling and you feel if no one loves you, you still have your best friend to run to.

    I didn’t have the heart to hurt you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. But I didn’t have the heart to love you, not the way you wanted me too.

     You know what, maybe it’s time for a break, a nice long one with that. Things have been confusing and hard for me right now, and I’m sure it was the same for you, but I’m glad you finally said what you had on your mind for the last couple days. Yes it was hard hearing it but I guess you could say that I’m used to it. I can tell you right now I’m not going to find someone better cause it’s not what I want, just because you think someone is “perfect” doesn’t mean they need someone perfect too. Having someone different makes things worth while. You were so different then me, and it made everything so exciting, so life changing, I know I’m only fifteen, but you made a huge difference on how I see life. This time you taught me the most was when you were so mad, because you let out everything you had inside. Look, no one is perfect, I know I’m not, and neither are you, but you always showed me what love was, and how to love. That was and probably always will be the greatest experience I ever had and I’m fucking glad I shared it with you, and if that was our last time we said “I love you” and meant it. I’m glad and proud to tell people my first and I’m sure for a very long time love was you.

    I just want to let you know that i’m not okay. I try and move and forget about you but i can’t. Your everywhere i go. Every time he texts me i think its you and sometimes i pray its you. He is the sweetest guy and he would probably never break my heart but there is just something about the way you look at me that makes me crazy and thats what made me fall for you.

    I’m afraid of time…I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgments and mistakes that everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots instead of movies.

    I’ll screw up. I’ll push you away if we’re getting too close. I won’t trust you until you’ve proven yourself. I get hurt easily and take a lot of things personally. But I’ll love you with everything I have, and if that isn’t enough, then I’m not enough.

    I guess I’m still holding on to something that I know will never happen, because somewhere deep down inside me, I have this little piece of hope that someday, it will.

    You walk down your packed hallways everyday. You pass hundreds of people you have never talked to, ex best friends & boy friends. You pass the people that hate you & most importantly love you to death. If you could just freeze everyone & finally slow down time to look around. Do you finally notice the kids that have never had an equal chance? What about the beautiful popular girls that get all the boys, are they truly happy or is it all an act? And then look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are becoming or has high school turned you into someone you promised you would never be? Take a good look at your reflection before you judge anyone else; be the person you want to. Fuck what everyone else tells you, just be who you are.

    I hate being in this position. I’m forcing myself to let go of the one person I need in my life. You’re the only thing that makes sense, but at the same time, the one thing that complicates me. I know that I’m better off without you, but I feel empty whenever I try to let go.

    Well, I didn’t mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn’t mean to get so close and share what we did and I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did. and you didn’t mean to hurt me, but you did.

    People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is, no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head – the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you.

     Still building up the courage to tell you how I feel. Yet, I don’t think it will matter. It never does.

    I saw you today. I realized how far apart we’ve grown. I know I should ask you how you’re doing, but I can’t. I wish I could. It occurred to me that we’re strangers now. You don’t know me anymore, much less want to. Everything is so different now.

    One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you have to give up before you get it.

    Don’t wait until it’s too late to say the things you mean. People are lost everyday. I know from experience. Don’t wait until they are lying in the hospital or a casket, don’t wait until they are about to board a plane, and don’t wait until they have finally moved on.

    All I want is for you to know me again. For me to be in your life and even if it can’t happen right now, I would just like to know that you hear my plea. I would just like to know that I’m not blocked from your memory.

    There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don’t feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything.

    Here’s to being lied to, to being walked on, used, promised something and fed bullshit. Here’s to getting your hopes up and watching them fall time after time after time. Here’s to trusting over and over again because you really wanted to believe that he’s changed. Now take this as a lesson learned. Let him go and move the fuck on with your life.

Comments (5)

Post a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *