July 8, 2013

• You put your arms around me and I’m home

   

  

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  There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don’t have it? What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is that death ends. This? It could go on forever.

  

  There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself. Who knows she’s capable of anything she puts her mind to. There’s a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path. Who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way? There’s a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences. Who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and go on.

  

  Before, my fear was being vulnerable. The ability of another human being to possibly tear apart your insides at any given moment was enough to keep me running. He, however, made my insides come alive. My smile became permanent and my laughter was more frequent. He took away my fear and gave me hope. But more importantly, for the first time in my life, instead of wanting to run, he gave me every reason to stay.

  

  We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their bravery, sometimes for their daring, sometimes for their goodness. But mostly we honor heroes because at one point or another, we all dreamed of being rescued. Of course, if the right hero doesn’t come along, sometimes we just have to rescue ourselves.

  

  Sometimes we find someone who we think is the one. But looks can be deceiving; we hang on because we don’t want to find anyone else. He’s a sweet talker and a prince charming. Although, that doesn’t mean we were meant to be with them. There’s a whole world of people out there. It’s about time we explore.

  

  I thought I was over you, I thought I was okay. I really thought it this time. You’re no longer for hours and hours and hours in my mind, I don’t think about you as much as I always did. But I still do. I thought that I could close the door, telling myself every day that it doesn’t matter. Lying to myself every day, saying that you don’t matter to me. But deep down inside it’s not okay, because it really does matter. You do really matter. I do still care about you, I do still want you to like me. I’m protecting myself by saying that it doesn’t matter, so you won’t hurt me, but it’s a lie. I don’t think about you as much as I did, but I still do. I still can’t forget you.

  

  Next time you’re stressed, take a step back, inhale and laugh. Remember who you are & why you are here. You’re never given anything in this world that you cannot handle. Be strong, be flexible, love yourself & love others. Always remember, just keep moving forward.

  

  You know, after that day, I changed. I am no longer the same person I was two years ago. I don’t know what is different, but I know I am not the same, and I know I never will be again. I am not the same person who believed in fate…I won’t believe in ‘signs’ anymore, because they really don’t mean anything, no matter how bad you wish or hope they do. As of right now, I don’t even believe in love. There is no happily ever after, not in this world. At least not for me. Not now. Not ever.

  

  And I promise you I’ll hold your hand back. I’ll sit back and enjoy it. I’ll laugh at lightning. I’ll giggle at thunder. I’ll drink raindrops. I’ll lean into the wind. I’ll see the sun come out. And one day, I’ll cry for a storm that’s passed, never to come again.

  

  Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble, noise, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

  

  I know what it’s like to be so mad, you go into this blind rage and don’t even remember what you said or did. I know what it’s like to be so heartbroken; you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror without bursting into tears. I know what it’s like to have so many bad things happen to you, you start to lose faith in everything. However, I also know times of pure joy and happiness. And if I can just keep my mind set on those, I know I’ll make it through all of the hard times. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find the faith I thought I had lost forever.

  

  I suck with words. But sometimes words aren’t the thing. Love isn’t about words, it’s about what you do. And what I did, running away, it was stupid. We both know love is a big, scary, evil concept. But if you feel it, it’s gonna follow you around like a hungry dog. I didn’t mean to say that love is a dog… I just mean I’m not going anywhere. I love you. If love beats us up, let’s just beat it up right back. We can do this. If you’re ready to make the jump, I’ll be right there to catch you.

  

  Stay with the person who promises nothing to you but willing to make you happy and you are being valued like no other.

  

  When I think about what we used to be, I think of how a text from you would make my day. How whether we talked or not would determine if I was happy or sad. How I was always wondering how you really felt, never knowing for sure. I think you were afraid to show me everything, afraid to commit. Or maybe you just really are a player and didn’t ever actually like me, but I don’t believe that. I guess truly I won’t ever know for sure, but what I do know is that I never want to have that feeling of letting someone have complete control over my emotions ever again, especially when in the end you just let me down.

  

  You walked away from me. You just left me standing there, on my own. I showed you the real me and you did nothing. I gave you my heart and you broke it in pieces. So don’t ask me if I’m okay, because honestly, you know I’m not.

  

  I didn’t expect we’d get married, or something serious like that. To be honest, I figured we would never officially date. But I sure as hell didn’t expect it to end like it did, without warning, without a second chance. I figured even after we stopped liking each other we’d still talk and be friends. But as they say, don’t ever assume anything.

  

  Stop worrying about your eyeliner, if your hair is alright, or if your butt looks good in those jeans. One day you’ll find a guy that won’t care about all that, and you’ll no longer care about what anyone else thinks. You are perfection in someone’s eyes. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

  

  Over the past year, I’ve learned so much about love and life. Even if I could, I wouldn’t take back all the things I’ve done because they got me here, to this moment.

  

  Smile beautifully. Smile big. Smile confidently. That way everyone thinks you’ve got all kinds of secret things going on. That keeps them wanting more. And when they want more, you’re automatically interesting.

  

  People are attracted to you by what they see in you. They remain attracted to you by what you see in yourself.

  

  This is how it works: I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case, you always forget who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you, as your friend, is remind you who you are and how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. And every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.

  

  It’s amazing the things you realize when you lose someone. You get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could have said a million times. You take for granted the days you spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. Anyone can be taken, at any point in our lives, but we always wait until they’re gone to says things we never the courage to say before.

  

  I think life isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be. We are constantly looking for answers. But there are no answers, things just happen. The good and the bad. To see the rainbow you’ve got to put up with the rain. It happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. The universe isn’t made up of questions, waiting for us to answer.

  

  It’s amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single look. This person who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past is now walking right past you, seeing right through you.

  

  Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It’s the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

  

  Along the way, I’ve learned that you can’t let anyone in too far and you can’t trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you’re broken, you’ll never fully be fixed.

  

  Sometimes we find someone who we think is the one. But looks can be deceiving; we hang on because we don’t want to find anyone else. He’s a sweet talker and a prince charming. Although, that doesn’t mean we were meant to be with them. There’s a whole world of people out there. It’s about time we explore.

  

  Right now, at this very moment, all I want to do is sit across from you and talk about life. And when we run out of topics, we could just hold hands because that would be enough. But you’re not here and we can’t talk face to face because miles separate us. Well, I can smell these flowers you sent, or look at pictures from before, but I can’t wrap my arms around a moment in time. So, I sit and think about what we will do when I finally see you again. All I really want to do is enjoy each other’s company and maybe watch a movie or two about falling in love and growing old together. And maybe you and I could fall in love and grow old together, too.

  

  Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

  

  We push ourselves so we can have a better tomorrow. Why can’t we push to have a better today? We work hard so that we will appreciate life in the future. Why can’t we appreciate what we have right now, today? We worry about dying and forever being forgotten. Why can’t we focus on living in the present and being remembered in the heart of a single individual by making a difference in their life today?

  

   

  • 6:27 pm
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