July 29, 2013

• Never thought we’d have a last kiss

  

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  That’s what innocence is, you know? A blissful oblivion of what’s coming, of what you’ll lose and what you’ll gain, and what kind of person you’ll grow up to be.

  

  She’s classy, unlike other girls. She knows herself and she knows that she’s not perfect, but she spends her time having fun and doing the best with what she’s got.

  

  Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

  

  She was a girl who spoke her mind, never played games and acted confident when she could barely stand looking in the mirror. She didn’t gloat of her achievements, or tell of them even though she had made many. She lived in mistakes, in past regrets, and she’s just beginning to realize that sometimes, you can’t change things. That you can’t let go back in the past and sometimes, you just have to move on because life’s too short to dwell on the unchangeable.

  

  I’m not a perfect girl. My hair doesn’t always stay in place and I spill a lot of things. I’m pretty clumsy and sometimes, I have a broekn heart. My friends and I sometimes fight and maybe some days nothing goes right. But when I think about it and I take a step back, I remember how amazing my life truly is and that maybe, just maybe – I like being imperfect.

  

  That was how we played. You were Cinderella, I was a mouse. You were Alice, I was the Hatter. You were the Sun, and I wasn’t even the moon.

  

  You gotta love those Wal-Mart days and college nights, because they’re all you’re going to remember from your youth.

  

  Have you met the perfect couple? The two soul mates, whose love never dies? The two lovers, whose relationship is never threatened? The husband and wife, who trust each other completely? If you haven’t met the perfect couple, let me introduce you. They stand atop a layer of butter-cream frosting. The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don’t have to look at each other.

  

  You know what is such a beautiful thing? People. In general. Everyone. People. Ah, I love them. All. Because they know things. They see things in a way I never have. They let me into their mind and let me explore and let me dig in the cavernous areas that they don’t let everyone into. It’s such a beautiful thing to be trusted and to trust and to love and to be loved. I am in awe of the world.

  

  Sometimes you just need to be alone. Sometimes not even your best friend needs to know. Sometimes you need to put up the walls so you can examine yourself in the peace and quiet. Sometimes the loud sounds need to fade away, leaving only the silence and you.

  

  If I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that are people starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they are upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t change the fact that you have what you have.

  

  If you really want to know something about me, you should know this: I like my music loud. I mean loud. I’m not talking the kind of loud where your parents knock on your bedroom door and ask you to turn it down. Please. that’s amateur house. When I say loud, I mean you can’t hear your parents knocking and the neighbors are putting a for sale sign on their house and moving to another block because they can’t handle the constant noise anymore loud. You have to turn it up so that your chest shakes and the drums get in between your ribs like a heartbeat and the bass goes up your spine and frizzles your brain and all you can do is dance or spin in a circle or just scream along because you know that however this music makes you feel, it’s exactly right.

  

  They judge her too quickly. The “party girl” and a “slut” all at the same time. But it’s worse, it’s not just her peers that judge her, but her teachers, adults, everyone that the teachers see as a girl who comes into class, telling her weekend drunks stories and they assume she can’t possibly be a good student, but she’s just a “party girl” and the adults that pass her on the streets see a “slut”, someone who wears too short of skirts, and too tight shirts, and she can’t possibly be a role model in those clothes. But they never wonder whats underneath her make-up and her clothes, they can never see past the crazy party stories, and realize that its all a coverup for a girl that doesn’t know what a real smile is. A girl that is afraid of who she is, or who she once was. A girl that is tired of tears and tries anything to play it off to the world that she is happy.

  

  Promise me. That’s all I want. Just promise that you’ll never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you’ll always remember me. Losing you was hard enough, but I don’t want to go on knowing I mean absolutely nothing to you.

  

  I stare into your eyes and I lose my perspective on the world around me. I lose my bearings and I become completely and utterly lost in your gaze . I couldn’t even begin to imagine how devastated I’d be if you left me now. It’s like you’ve taken my heart as your own, your own to keep forever and ever. When you wrap your arms around me I swear it’s like I’m safe from everything. Like a bullet could come at me and your arms would deflect it from hurting me. You’re my comedian, my protector, my brain, my heart, my other half, my everything.

  

  I can erase you from my phone, my Facebook, and my email. But I can never erase you from my mind, all the good times, the memories we shared, will always be there. You may act like you forgot all about me, but damn I know right now, just by the way that you look at me that you think about how badly you fucked up when you see me.

  

  We’re only as strong as the drinks we mix, the tables we dance on, and the friends we hold on to.

  

  Letting go is hard, but it’s better to let go than to hold on to something that was never meant to be. so hold your head high, gorgeous, and stay strong because once you let go, better things are going to come along.

  

  What did it feel like, I wondered, to be kissed like that right out in public? Not like some passionate, tongue-wrestling thing, just a kiss to declare: we are each other’s. I’d never been kissed like that. No one had declared me his, not for the whole world to see, anyway.

  

  That’s it, I’m done. I’m tired of being your second best. Or third. Or fourth. Or fifth. You’re my best friend. You mean the world to me, and I mean shit to you. One day, you’ll look back and regret how you acted towards me, bitch, cause no one wil be there for you like I was.

  

  The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don’t care at all.

  

  I saw you today and realized how far apart we’ve grown. I know I should talk to you and ask you how you’re doing. And I really wish I could. But it’s just occurred to me that we’re strangers now. You don’t know me anymore, much less want to, and it’s okay that you’ve moved on. I know that everything’s different now. I’ve been staying strong.

  

  Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple.

  

  There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don’t want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from its insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowards and afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter those words is God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

  

  Sometimes you have to test someone. not because you don’t trust them, but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you. & sometimes you have to let them go. Not because you suddenly stopped caring for them, but to see if they care enough to come back.

  

  • 6:58 pm
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