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Original: 10/11/2012 4:17 PM
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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Where have you been?

 

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At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

The difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter.

We can’t even look at each other. I turn away from you because I don’t want you to see the hurt in my eyes, and you turn away from me because you don’t want me to see that you still care. I know you do. You have to. We never wanted to leave each other. We just had to.

Hanging onto hope may make you feel better, but it just makes me feel alone. I don’t want to die alone.

I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, and more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.

Do things with passion or don't do them at all.

The thing is, you're the one that decides whether people are laughing at you, or with you. Life is what you make it.

You try so hard to be the person everyone wants you to be. Maybe you should just be the person you want to be.

I'm not going to spend my life chasing people. You want to leave? Fine then, go ahead. Nothing lasts and people change. I've learned love is hard and life isn't always what you want it to be.

There's nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don't live up until their death. They don't honour their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can't hear it. Most people's deaths are a sham. There's nothing left to die.

We do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want, and this, I know. Nothing is worse than missing an oppurtunity that could have changed your life.

I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma.

 

 Posted 10/11/2012 4:17 PM - 15582 Views - 12 eProps - 5 comments

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5 Comments

Visit britney1anbe's Xanga Site!
cute xx
Posted 10/11/2012 5:38 PM by britney1anbe - recommend - reply

Visit Tracy_tragedy's Xanga Site!
Shoes <3
Posted 10/12/2012 12:45 AM by Tracy_tragedy - recommend - reply

Visit MZ_BUBBLEZ213's Xanga Site!
Oh man your posts are always so freaking awesome
Posted 10/12/2012 3:54 PM by MZ_BUBBLEZ213 Xanga True Member - recommend - reply

Visit BeFabulousxo's Xanga Site!
Loveeeee<3
Posted 10/12/2012 9:33 PM by BeFabulousxo - recommend - reply

Visit perfectfrenchprincess_08's Xanga Site!
cute!
Posted 10/13/2012 9:23 PM by perfectfrenchprincess_08 - recommend - reply


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