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Original: 10/18/2012 3:43 PM
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Thursday, October 18, 2012

Give me everything tonight

 

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I think everything in life is art. What you do, how you dress, the way you love someone and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea, how you decorate your home, or party. Your grocery list, the food you make, how your writing looks, and the way you feel. Life is art.

I know that there are some things about yourself that you think you would like to change. But you should know that there's someone out there who's gonna like you for everything you are, including those parts of you that you don't even like.

There's just something about you that I'm scared to lose because I know I won't find it in anyone else.

People don't stay in your life forever. Maybe he came in, you loved him, you learned from him, and now there's nothing more for him to teach you. Maybe your time with him is done. Maybe it's really time to just let him go. If he has more to teach you, he'll end up coming back. When you feel like talking to him, look up a new word that describes him in an asshole-ish manner. Keep a list.

I am here. This is me and I am always here. And I don't want to go through the rest of my life regretting. I want to learn how to be strong for what I am doing, brave about who I am, and forgive anyone who tries to fuck it all up.

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

I’ve been to hell and back. I spill shit, trip, and embarrass myself. I can’t just flutter my eyes and get that boy. My life is messed up. I’ve been through more shit than you see on TV. Nobody’s perfect. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and had my heart stolen. I’ve fucked up, fucked people up, and been fucked up. But every hit was worth it, because I felt it. I knew it was real. Life is real, and I’m living it wrong everyday. I’m fucking up royally and doing everything opposite. But do I regret one thing? Never, because at one point, what I did was what I wanted and I got my fucking satisfaction. My life is mine and no stupid bitches or immature boys can fuck it up for me anymore. I’m the real deal and I’d love to see you try and fucking break me.

I hate how you sit there and act like you know me. Let's get this straight - you used to know me, and you remember what happened with that situation? See, that girl you used to know...she left. Just like you did.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But that feeling is a lie, and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day - someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes - someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.

Life for a punctual person is like a roller coaster. All kinds of things are going to happen to you! Sure, I can see the roller coaster you're on. And sure - I could give you a piece of paper that would tell you about every dip and turn, warn you about every bogeyman that was going to pop out at you in tunnels. But that wouldn't help anyway. Because you'd still have to take the roller coaster ride, I didn't design the roller coaster, I don't own it, and I don't say who rides and who doesn't. I just know what it's shaped like.

Hey girls, you're beautiful. Don't look at those stupid magazines wish stick like models. Eat healthy and exercise, that's all. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough; you are too good. Love your family with all your heart and listen to it. You are gorgeous, whether you're a size 3 or size 14. It's doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person. As long as you respect others. I know it's been told hundreds of times before, but it's true.

Sometimes, no matter how much you do, or how much you try, someone will not understand how much you've done until you're gone and they have no one left who actually cares about them, who can look out for them, and who will understand.

No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We'd prefer to know, of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way. It's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. All of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and it's nice, or it takes some getting used to. Still, maybe you’ll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.

Here's a big fuck you to the calls I waited for. The dates I hoped for, the love I wanted, the tears I cried, and the heart you broke. Asshole.

Often, I think about the people who’ve walked away or drifted apart and it makes me really sad. So most times, I force myself to not think of it, and convince myself that there’s a reason why they’re not in my life now.

Our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. You never know for sure, so you'd better make every second count.

I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it's going to be okay. When you're hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there's those moments we have every now and then where we just stop, and we get this feeling, that can't be described, but you just.. you just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear. I need more of those moments.

I hate how dispensable I am to people. I hate how people feel they can just forget about me, replace me, erase me without even a second thought. It's like I don't matter to anyone. And hey, I mean, I don't blame you. I'm no one special. I just thought you were different. I had more faith in you.

 

 Posted 10/18/2012 3:43 PM - 10543 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments

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