February 2, 2013

• I want to be happy, everyday

  

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  You were nothing but an asshole. You were rude and self-absorbed. And because of that, I’m done. I thought I ruined this, I thought I wasn’t good enough,  that you destroyed me. That I missed out. But to be honest, you ruined everything, you always ruin everything. And you will never ever get the satisfaction of knowing that you destroyed me, because you didn’t. I’m stronger now because of this, I’m not stronger because of you. I’m stronger because of what I did. And kid, fuck you. You missed out.

  

  When someone can make you see this broken world as beautiful, they’re worth keeping around.

  

  Sometimes I wonder if maybe we’ll ever get back together, and then I realize that we’ll never really be over, in a way it hasn’t changed, but in some ways, it has, it’s not that we aren’t meant for each other, I think it’s just maybe we aren’t ready for forever.

  

  You know what the best feeling in the world is? Having a best friend, that one person who loves you & never judges you no matter how badly you fuck up. Someone who you have endless conversations with and can communicate by just using your eyes. That one person who just walks in your house, opens the fridge and grabs whatever they want out. Lastly it’s that person who knows so much about you that they could ruin your life in a second. But you trust them with your life and you know that they will never ever do that no matter what.

  

  I’ve lived. I’ve really really lived. I’ve failed. I’ve been devastated. I’ve been broken. I’ve gone to hell and back. And I’ve also known joy. And passion. And I’ve had a great love. See death for me is not justice. It’s an end of a beautiful journey. And I’m not afraid to die. The question is, are you?

  

  Even people I’ve known for so long soon become strangers to me. People change and grow tired of having you in their life. I’m my own best friend. It’s sad, but it is what it is.

  

  You’re the only person that ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if it wasn’t always the best feelings, you’re the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You’re the only person that can drive me crazy, in both good and bad ways. You’re the only person that ever made me feel like I didn’t have to try so hard. And I know that you’re not okay without me either, or you wouldn’t talk about such things as you do. I just wish you knew I still loved you, and I wish you would do something with that knowledge.

  

  Maybe it’s not blood-bonds that make us a family. Perhaps it’s the people who know our secrets, and love us anyway, so we can finally be ourselves.

  

  Superman’s not brave. You can’t be brave if you’re indestructible. It’s every day people, like you and me, that are brave, knowing we could easily be defeated, but still continue forward.

  

  There is no death. People die only when we forget them. If you can remember me, I will be with you always.

  

  Let me just put it all on the line…I’m no good at opening up, and I maybe too good at being honest. I sometimes get angry for dumb reasons, and there are days I will desperately need your attention. I will want your lips on me constantly. I change my mind, I shut down, I fuck up sometimes, really badly. Just remember, I want you. I want to be with you, to live our lives, together.

  

  What women should know, a man who truly loves you will never let you go no matter how hard the situation is. What men should know, a woman who truly loves you will get angry at you for so many things but will still stick around.

  

  Be the girl you want your daughter to be, Be the girl you want your son to date. Be classy, anything but trashy.

  

  The truth is, I had a lot of good intentions but I wasted them on people who didn’t deserve them.

  

  It doesn’t bother me to say this isn’t love. Because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love. And I guess I’m gonna have to live with that, but I’m sure there’s something in a shade of grey or something in between. And I can always change my name, if that’s what you mean.

  

  I say I’m done, and then you smile at me and I forget everything I said. I buy into those eyes, and into your lies.

  

  Fuck it. You throw a dart at a map, we’ll go there and start new. Somewhere else in the world that’s not here. Somewhere where we haven’t said things to each other that we can’t unsay and done things which we can’t undo. There we can say new things. We can do new things. And those things we say and do will be more important than the old things. Let’s leave. Please. Leave with me.

  

  Do me a favor? I know it isn’t your fault I don’t trust people or their word, but can you do one thing for me? Don’t make me a promise you can’t keep. Do not trick me into thinking you are always going to be there because let’s be honest, there is no way you could be unless you were attached to me. Then you would just get annoying. I know you’re going to lie sometimes, I will too. I know you’re going to get mad and frustrated and probably say some things you don’t mean…we all do. I’m not going to be unrealistic in the things I ask from you, this is it. I think with this I can always be happy, with you.

  

  Nothing is the same anymore. The looks aren’t the same; the bond is not the same. Nothing is the same. I know we’ve fought to stay strong for a while, but sometimes I feel that being strong would mean letting go. So maybe one day, we won’t pretend anymore. So maybe one day, it will be okay again. That’s all I want. I don’t care what it takes; I want to be okay again.

  

  • 7:58 pm
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