April 17, 2013

• Daylight

  

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  Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

  

  Things have changed so much they’ve gotten to the point where I really don’t know you anymore.

  

  I needed to know that I meant something, anything to you. But what I got was nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it’s funny the things you realize when someone walks away. At first, you feel as though it’s your fault. Feeling like nothing, so close to falling apart. And then, in time, you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong. That it’s his loss, that you are so much better without that one boy who didn’t ever care. You live and your learn, that’s how it is.

  

  It hurts even more when you look in the mirror. And realize who’s staring back at you is the reason he’s not there.

  

  We live in a society that says to be individuals, but they still promote uniformity. A society that puts a mask over you if they feel you serve as a problem. We live under a government that controls us through fear. A government that’s not looking out for what’s best of us, but what’s best for them. Our coworkers, classmates, friends, family have stopped caring about each other, and simply started to care about the size of their bank account and the amount of people that know their name. It doesn’t matter who we have in our life anymore, but what. We measure a man not by his courage, or his perseverance, but by the size of his house and the cost of his car. Status is not gained by good deeds, it is gained by stepping over whoever you please to climb to the top. You tell me you’re different, but you have to realize… we’re all the same.

  

  We may not be right for each other, but we’re young. The whole “soul-mates” thing doesn’t exist this young. We live in a world where all we do is strive for more. But why can’t we be happy with what we already have? If you can take a lesson from “You never know what you got, until it’s gone”, maybe we’d learn to appreciate what we have more often. You can’t always get the perfect moment, all you can do is make the best out of the circumstances. Because there will never be the perfect guy, but there will be the guy you learned to love; his flaws and everything else in between.

  

  The sad part is…you’re still on my mind, all day long. Everything reminds me of you, and it’s so hard not to look at you when we pass by in the hallway. I’m only trying to show you that I don’t care, when I care more about you than I care about myself. I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry you don’t like me anymore, but why can’t you just tell me you don’t? Is it that, you don’t want to hurt me or something? It’s not like you haven’t done it before. You know for a fact you have because you admitted you hurt me. Stop hurting me.

  

  But when I look in the mirror, I see a girl who’s been through so much and yet still finds a way to smile at the past. She still loves with all her heart, or what’s left of it, and when you see her walk down the hall I can guarantee you she’ll have her head up high, faking a smile just one last time at all those who try to break her but never will.

  

  At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So, we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

  

  Shut the hell up and stop trying to make me regret what I’m saying or make me feel bad. You might of cared or liked me or whatever, I can’t read your mind, but the point is you sure as hell didn’t show it and that’s the part that matters. All you had to do was call me at night and hangout with me a little but you were too busy trying to act like you didn’t care, to show that you did. And I’m sick of waiting around for something that isn’t going to happen cause I’ve been back and forth with you long enough to know that it’s gonna be this way as long as I let it.

  

  We live in a difficult world, a broken world. Life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you’re not alone in the places you feel stuck.

  

  If you can fall asleep with a smile on your face, then you’ve just lived another day worth living. 

  

  It’s not like I didn’t expect you to leave. It’s not like I didn’t expect you to be upset and disappointed. What I didn’t expect, is realizing how much I actually needed you when you left. And I didn’t expect to find myself thinking about you all the time, even though I knew it was time for me to let go.

  

  Take a deep breath. Calm down. Take ten steps back from the knife, the lighter, or the mirror. Turn on your iPod, lay on the floor, and take more deep breaths. You are worth more than this, you can be more than this. This does not have control over you. You are the one who will form your own destiny, your own pathways through life. Don’t let shit tie you down, or break your heart. It’s okay to cry. Breathe again. You’re alive and wonderful.

  

  Don’t call me afraid. I already know I am. You know how it is, to be paranoid. To feel as though you know something’s wrong with you. You want to know if there is, but you’re too scared. Don’t tell me you haven’t been there. Don’t tell me you don’t worry. And don’t tell me it’s just a phase.

  

  When you make your own decisions, you take the responsibility of deciding your own future. If you make good decisions, you are going to have a better future than if you make bad decisions. You are what you choose to be, so choose wisely.

  

  You have a purpose. And I know you are young, but you really are meant to do something with your life. You may not realize it yet, but whatever happens now, no matter how difficult, things will be okay, and tomorrow will be better.

  

  We stop searching for the monsters under our beds after a while because we discover that the monsters exist only inside of ourselves.

  

  But if you want to leave, you can. I’ll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves.

  

  I know I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes. But the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most, wouldn’t hurt me again.

  

  The one thing I hate most is saying goodbye. It’s never been easy for me. I mean, how do you approach the concept of goodbye? Goodbyes are all different. Some are for a day, some are for a month. But others are forever. And the concept of forever is hard to accept. It’s like hey, I’m never going to see you again, goodbye. It doesn’t feel complete. But i think that’s what goodbyes are. They’re incomplete and you honestly don’t know how long the goodbye will last. It’s a part of life.

  

  I think everyone at some point, goes through that one moment where they think “My gosh, I can’t do this”. But you know what? You can. No matter how close you are to the edge, no matter how badly you feel like giving up, or think it’s best to do so rather than have to put up with the pain – don’t. Don’t lose hope that things will get better. Don’t give up, because there is someone out there who will make you smile in a way no one else ever could. Keep that glimmer of hope alive in your heart, because someone is out there searching for your smile. So wipe your tears and keep your head held high.

  

  People hurt me, criticize me, turn their backs on me, time and time again. They kill me slowly, and then ask me what my problem is.

  

   

  • 12:59 am
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