April 20, 2013

• You’re my sweetheart

  

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  The past is annoying; it always shows up. In everybody’s words, in every song you hear, in every block you walk, and you never get rid of it, no matter how hard you try.

  

  I don’t know how much longer I can take this. You run through my mind like there’s no tomorrow, I don’t know when there’s a second when I’m not thinking about you. it’s like your haunting me or something and the worst part is you’re not even mine.

  

  The truth of the matter is that what’s done is done, no excuses are necessary. You can’t go back and change anything, so there’s no point in being stuck in the past. Excuses never work; you’re only lying to yourself and lying to yourself never helps anything. Eventually all the lies and the excuses and the alibis fall away, and you’re left here, stripped, with the truth before your very eyes, whether you’re ready to accept it or not.

  

  I want to remember how you’ve made me laugh, and sometimes cry, and I never want to forget how special and different you are. And how you touch my heart in a way that no one else ever could.

  

  After all that’s said and done, I still think you’re amazing. I still cherish every moment I ever spent with you and every smile you brought to my face. I’ll forever be thankful that someone like you was brought into my life, even if it had to be taken away too soon.

  

  The best thing you can do right now is wait. I’m going through some really hard times right now, and I’m not dealing with things very well. But I promise that if you’ll be there for me, it will all be worth it in the end.

  

  You read “sorry, try again” off the inside of a bottle cap; story of your life. You never come first, you’re never the winner, you’re never the best. There’s always someone better. Maybe next time; you did your best. At least you tried. All these things are supposed to make you feel better, but it just reminds you that no matter how hard you try, how you gave it your all, you failed. You’ll never be good enough for him.

  

  I needed something to go right so badly that I convinced myself it was real. Even though I think, deep down, I knew it wasn’t. I think I knew he was going to leave, I just didn’t want to believe it.

  

  Take every chance you get. Because honestly no matter where you end up, or who you end up with, it always ends up the way it should be. Your mistakes are what makes you the person you are today. You learn and grow with each choice. Make everything you do worth it. Live your life as if there won’t be any tomorrow. Say how you feel, always be you, and be okay with it.

  

  I never know what to say to you when you ask me what’s wrong. I mean, how can I tell you that you’re all I want, and knowing that I can’t have you tears me apart.

  

  Most of the things you worry about never happen.

  

   There are people who used to be in my life who aren’t anymore, and I just wish I could tell them, they meant something to me, even if I meant nothing to them.

  

  Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

  

  I don’t care how far you are from me, or how long it’s been since we’ve talked. I don’t care how mad I got at you, or how mad you’ve been at me. You’re still what matters most to me, and I’m never going to give that up.

  

  You’ve been pacing around and waiting for some moment that may never arrive at all.

  

  I know a lot of people know who he is, but I also know there are not that many who got to see the side of the guy that I did. And that guy, well, I’ll never forget him, never. I’ve learned so much about life and emotion from knowing him and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Your heart needs to go through some bumps like these in order to make it through. Besides, no matter what he’s done or not done, he had the biggest impact on me this past year. And I know no matter how many years go by, my stomach will always do a little flip whenever I see that face.

  

  Sometimes you just want to put other people’s happiness before yours because you love them, because they deserve it. Sometimes you want to go out of your way for other people just because you know that it’s important that they get a chance to smile once in a while.

  

  What matters is I still have hope. What matters is it is what is keeping me operating. What matters is that hope may very well be the only emotion, if you want to consider it that, that I have left now a days. I may have given up being upset,and I may have given up being ecstatic, and I may have given up on a lot in this entire situation, but I haven’t given up on hope.

  

  To be honest, I really don’t give a fuck. I lose friends, make friends, and enemies everyday. Regardless, I’m still going to be me.

  

  We never dated, but we were amazing friends. Now, we’re miles apart. Although I think I’m quite over you. Sometimes, I can’t help but think that there will never be anyone as perfect for me as you. You were too big of a fool to have known that.

  

  Truth is; we all miss being young. There was no worry about love, or worrying if your hair looked bad. Or if your socks had holes or odd colors. You never once thought of your best friend cheating with your boyfriend. Never thought you would witness deaths. All that came to your mind was if you were smart enough to tie your shoe laces. or if your friend would be mad at you for saying something. Chasing those boys around trying to hug them and of course them running away, Simply because they liked you back…When we finally realized what life was all about, it was to late because we were already hurting.

  

  All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you’re not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you’re the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. They will tell you no, a thousand times no, until all the no’s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. And you will tell them yes.

  

  The thing about life that I’ve learned is that you’re going to get hurt. You’re going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours. You’re going to suffer some kind of loss. But you will also have those moments where you heal. Those moments are the best. You feel like you smile for the first time again. You feel like you’re alive again. Life just kind of restarts.

  

  • 9:13 pm
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