April 29, 2013

• I need to stop caring

  

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  This is to the nights when you dealt with more drama than you wanted to because you’re a nice person. To the nights that you drank too much and made mistakes that no one forgot for months and months. This is to the nights that you hooked up with that guy, feeling used and alone after. to the nights you would’ve rather stayed home, watching movies, but instead got dressed up in clothes that weren’t as comfortable as sweatpants, went to that party you didn’t really want to be at, to find the boy you like there with some other girl. To the nights that you can’t wait until everybody grows up, because you’re tired of them all judging you. To those nights, that came too soon.

  

  People need to stop expecting and start accepting. You won’t get hurt that way.

  

  Never reject anybody in your life, because good people give us happiness and bad people give us experience. Both are essential in life.

  

  Sometimes there doesn’t even have to be a reason. I knew from experience that no matter how much you turn things in your head, trying to make sense of them, some people just defy all logic.

  

  When I push you away, I want you to hold me tighter. When I walk away, I want you to pull me back to you. When I get mad at you, I want you to push me against the wall and kiss me. When I miss you, I want you to be there for me. When I feel you don’t want me, prove to me that I’m the only one.

  

  If I really was a bitch, I’d make your life a living hell, but instead I’ll just sit back and watch you do it yourself.

  

  Just because other people say he’s not the best bet for you doesn’t mean you have to think twice of being with him. Be with him because he makes you happy, not because you want others to be happy for you.

  

  Growing up back then had its perks. We watched great television and learned how computers worked. But before you dismiss us as a shallow sugary cereal generation, take a look at our life education. You may have seen your president get shot, but we see brutal violence in our school parking lots. You came out of Vietnam with a few heroes, but there were a lot of deaths at ground zero. You were judged by your color and race, but that was before school shootings took place. So life may have been tough back in 1967, but was it worse than seeing what happened on 9/11. Was the media pumping you with fear all the time? Harvard was a famous school not columbine. And no one knew what mad cow disease was. You fought battles overseas but we fight ones with ourselves daily. So next time you think you’re traumatized and real, we’ll be in the bathroom throwing up our meals.

  

  Here’s a lesson for every girl out there: Never, ever settle. You may think you aren’t gorgeous or smart or have too many insecurities to count. But there is going to be someonein the world who truly loves you for you. Don’t ever think that you’ve got to put up with some boy’s rudeness because he’s the first one in a long time to show some interest. You are allbeautiful in your own individual way, so never lower your standards.

  

  I am incredibly awkward and negative. I get attached easily, and I hold on for too long. I don’t like opening up to people. Most 5 year old children can express their feeling better than me. I hide behind my fake smiles. I’m terrified of being hurt. I tend to act older than I am. I’m probably one of the most difficult people you will ever meet. But I can be sweet. I’m a great listener. I’ll guard your secrets with my life. I will never judge you based on your mistakes, and I’ll love you as much as I can. I can be, if you let me, one of the best things in your life.

  

  Go ahead and find someone else to keep you company. But that’s all she’ll be able to do. She won’t love you like i love you, she won’t care about you as much as i do, and she sure as hell won’t regret any mistakes she makes when she’s with you like i do.

  

  I think sometimes you have to lose someone completely, before you can figure out what they really mean to you.

  

  Don’t ever use someone’s past against them. You’re just reminding them of the mistakes they made back then. If you watch their facial expression carefully, then you’ll see the hurt in their eyes as they reminisce everything that happened. Never use emotion as a weapon, it strikes deeper than you can imagine.

  

  It’s hard when you don’t know what causes your sadness but, it’s even harder when you know what makes you happy, yet you can’t do anything to have it.

  

  There are those occasional nights when you break down and cry because everything is changing and there’s nothing you can do.

  

  Just because i hurt you, doesn’t mean you get to hurt me worse. What’s sad is that i actually regret it. But you? No i don’t think you have the slightest regret for what you’re doing to me right now. That’s what hurts the most.

  

  I have never been strong enough to stay. People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. Staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. Staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.

  

  I’m so close to giving up on us. So close that i can’t even believe i’m still holding on. I have never waited on someone this long, never trusted someone so much to make the right choice…but i think the main reason i’m still here is that i see something in you that no one else does. I know you’re capable of doing the right thing, i just don’t know if that’s what you’ll choose. But remember i’ll love you. Always. I don’t break promises.

  

  No – I don’t love him. He doesn’t give me the butterflies you always did. I never break out in a smile in the middle of day because I’m thinking of him – but he’s comfortable and reliable, and that’s enough for now.

  

  But mostly, I cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me. And I didn’t know if I ever even wanted to get up and start breathing again.

  

  Don’t base your decisions on the advice of people who don’t have to deal with the results.

  

   

  • 7:31 pm
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