December 19, 2012

• Be free, be happy

  

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  Time is tricky. You have whole months, even years, when nothing changes a speck, when you don’t go anywhere or do anything or think one new thought. And then you can get hit with a day or an hour, or half a second, when so much happens its almost like you are born all over again into some brand-new person you for damn sure never expected to meet.

  

  I constantly wonder how my life looks in other people’s eyes. Do the think I have it easy? Do they think I have nothing going on for myself? Or are the fascinated with who I am? The thing is that no one will ever know my whole story. No one will ever know the things I’ve had to overcome. Not even my closest friends, not even my own family. The thing is that people are so quick to judge now a days. You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see. I always try to look as put together as I can, and I guess that’s my way of hiding from the truth. It’s just that way that everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay. That I never go through anything. If only everyone knew how broken I am, and how I’m holding on for dear life on this one last strand that’s recently become very delicate. The truth is that no one really knows me. No one will ever know me, and sometimes that scares me, because no one will ever know why I am the way I am.

  

  You don’t just automatically love someone. You have to slowly learn to trust, then you start believing them. You want to be with them more to the point where you’re jealous of anyone who tries to be with that person. Then it gets you mad but you get past it, you can’t be jealous anymore. You can’t because you have this undying confidence that this person will never leave you, they will never betray you, and that they would never pick someone else over you, that you’re irreplaceable. That’s when the confidence hits you, that you really do love each other and it’s unbreakable.

  

  A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.

  

  She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying. Cries when she’s happy, and laughs when shes afraid. Her love is unconditional. There’s only one thing wrong with her – and that is that sometimes she forgets what she is worth.

  

  I’m not an expert at relationships. I don’t know how to handle every fight we’re going to have, and I will never be a perfect person. We’re both still young, and we still have a lot more to learn. But I’m willing to take chances, to risk it all, and learn everything there is to know just so I can keep us together.

  

  There comes a time in everyone’s lives where they learn that the only way to live happy is to grasp, embrace, love life and the person that they are. And when they stop loving themselves and start relying on others to do it for them.. well, that’s when they truly start to lose themselves and the happiness that they started to feel.

  

  Along the way, I’ve learned that you can’t let anyone in too far and you can’t trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you’re broken, you’ll never fully be fixed.

  

  We spend most of our time talking about nothing, but I just want to let you know that all those nothings have meant so much more to me than so many somethings. Too many people get caught up in what could be instead of appreciating what is. Don’t fall into that trap. Appreciate what you have and who you have, because the future can take it all away from you.

  

  I just somehow need to know that you still think of me from time to time. Don’t make this little hope I still have left deep down inside of me buried underneath everything deteriorate as it has enough already throughout the years. Just give me a little hint that I somehow inspired you to be the person you are today. A hint that I impacted you and touched your life somehow. A hint to know that I actually mattered in your life once upon a time.

  

  • 11:35 am
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